Last week I put a poll on my Instagram asking which post you would like to see-a H&M haul or a post on why Disney’s Princess Diaries movies sucked. Those who voted chose to see the H&M haul, and a few of you who did not vote replied to my story to inform me that the movie did not suck. And those of you who did that-are completely wrong. Now with Anne Hathaway’s recent comments on the series I  think it is time someone seriously said this: The Princess diaries films were awful.

SPOILERS FOR THE PRINCESS DIARIES BOOKS AND FILMS AHEAD

(This is going to be a long one so I think eventually I’ll make a video to go with it.)

Let’s first explore the basics of the Princess Diaries. Originally a 2000 novel by author Meg Cabot the film and the movie chronicles the life of Amelia “Mia” Thermopolis an awkward high schooler who finds out she is the crowned princess to a small country called Genovia.

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In a plot that contemporarily I could never see happening Mia’s life is of course completely changed by the revolution she is a princess. The movie on it’s own is okay but could have been so so much better had they stayed closer to the novel. Here’s why:

The film which stars Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway takes place in San Francisco. The book takes place in NYC.

WHY was this changed? No, seriously I want answers. I personally think the movie starting with Mia racing to the subway for school would’ve been more entertaining.

At the end of the movie Mia and Lily make up and everything is sunshine and rainbows.

A complete lie. Going to be quite frank here and tell you Lily is a complete toxic bitch to Mia for most of the 10 book series, they actually spend a whole year not talking to each other.  Mia ends up being close friends with LANA WEINBURG, the girl that bullied her in the movie. Yeah, Lily and Mia get past the princess thing but that friendship had major flaws besides that and did not stand up when Mia found a stronger voice of her own. So screw Disney’s happy-go-lucky ending. The real lesson is cut your toxic friend.

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Clarisse, Mia’s grandmother, is INSANE.

In the film Andrew’s portrays her as a strict women with a softer side. This is false and a figment of the screenwriters imagination. Clarisse Marie Grimaldi Renaldo has no soft side. She is dramatic, bossy, and kind of elegant in an odd way. For the most part she only speaks french to Mia, and later in the series gives her granddaughter dating advice that can be boiled down and paraphrased to three thing: “pick the richer man”, “use sex if you have to”, and “be more manipulative” She’s an avid smoker and drinker and often throws notorious fits to get her way.

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Mia’s mother, Helen, would never move to Genovia. Like ever.

I never understood that part of the movie, Helen was extremely removed from the whole Genovia thing, In fact prior to learning she’s a princess, Mia’s biggest concern is her mother dating her algebra teacher. This concern came to be realized and Helen eventually marries him and has a son named Rocky. Which brings us to the next point.

Mia’s father is not dead. Disney always has to kill one parent.

In the books, Mia’s father is not dead and he is a part of her life. In fact, Mia is only told she is a princess because he finds out he may not be able to produce any other heirs and Mia may be needed in Genovia. He’s there the wholeeeee series often acting as a buffer between his mother and well everyone else.  He bribes Mia into taking princess lessons with her grandmother by promising to donate to Greenpeace in her name.

Lily isn’t Mia’s only friend

Where are all her other friends, sure at the start of the series Mia’s only close friend is Lily but by the end of the first book she’s made another, Tina. Tina being the only other girl in her school who needs a bodyguard. This also opens her up to more friends and by the conclusion of the series she has a healthy clique.

Lars not Joe.

In the book Mia’s bodyguard is a man named Lars. Lars who by the way does NOT love Clarisse, is one of my favorite characters in the books. AND do you think former Dowager Princess Clarisse Marie Grimaldi Renaldo would be romantically linked with a bodyguard? Pshhhh.

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Michael and Mia are the cutest mess-like seriously.

It takes three books for them to get together and they break up about four books later when Michael decides to move to Japan to start his own business. Their breakup sends Mia into therapy and when she finally gets over him ( a little) they get back together.

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Mia would have not gone to Princeton’s Woodrow Wilson School.

Firstly, she’s not the best student. And even though she’s accepted into a bunch of elite schools she’s pretty certain they only want her for her princess status. Mia’s passion was writing, hence Princess DIARIES. She wrote everything down and even wrote a novel for her senior year in highschool. She never pursued government as career and wouldn’t have because being a princess was a part of her but not her whole life.

Oh and about that sequel…

95% of the characters in that sequel don’t appear in the books, at all. Oh and MIA NEVER BECOMES QUEEN OF GENOVIA.

And Finally…

Cabot’s series would have been better adapted as a television show and would not have require much reworking. If anyone does feel the need to rework any of her series I would definitely put the Mediator on the chopping block, it just screams Julie Plec.

Thanks for reading my rant, and while we’re talking about princesses make sure you check out my other post with tips on how to treat yourself like a princess.

Jaelyn

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