People who are against cutting people off are toxic, there I said it. In life you are responsible for your happiness and well-being and with this responsibility comes the ability to decide who is in and who is not in your circle. While making these decisions it’s important to remember this:
Everybody is not meant for everybody. 🤷
Which is basically a gentle reminder that everyone is not meant to be your friend. I am a firm believer that people treat you according to how much they value you, so if someone doesn’t think you have value, they’ll treat you accordingly whether blatantly or passively. My personal goal with my social circle is to surround myself with people that they see me as someone valuable to have in their life, otherwise what’s the point?
If a person makes think “why are you even in my life?” I know their visa to my life has expired.
But, things are not always black and white. Sometimes it takes time to realize who is and who is not worthy of your inner circle. So, here are a few tips to help you draw these distinctions:
- They’re dishonest- Over the age of 14 (being lenient here) you shouldn’t be lying, it’s childish. Everyone has dirt, if you can’t do your dirt and own it then you shouldn’t have done it. But lying makes everything worst and ten times more offensive. If you keep catching someone in small lies, grab your scissors and cut them out of your life (but not physically)
- They don’t check up on you- People make time for the things they care about. Period. If someone cares they’ll ask you how you’re doing, otherwise snip snip.
- You’re the giver-Every relationship/friendship/familyship has a “giver” and a “taker”, in a good positive relationship this giver/taker aspect is close to equilibrium. In a negative one, the giver is constantly giving and the taker is taking and maybe even demanding more. And let’s be clear: the giver is on the losing end of the relationship as they keep giving and giving.
- They have excuses all the time- Life is not 2nd grade where you have to explain why you did/didn’t do something. I try not to give other people excuses, and I stay away from people who are prone to them.
- Everything comes before you-This kind of harps back to the value thing, whatever the nature of the relationship you shouldn’t feel like someone’s last priority.
- Voicing you concerns makes you “crazy”-if you type “make me seem crazy” into a twitter search bar, you’ll see a ton of stories of people recounting how others made them seem irrational for their feelings. Having feelings does not make you irrational or toxic they make you human. And if anyone tries to make you feel differently, they’re the problem.